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"Oh my, we must
be amongst the gods..." So we spoke upon entering
the melee at the Carson City Community Center. This
was no normal Saturday in Carson City, Nevada; it
was the climax of the city's most prestigious week
in recent memory. In a shocking coup, Mayor Ray Masayko
had snagged the 2003 World Beard and Moustache Championships
for his small town, putting Carson City's name next
to Berlin, London, and Schömberg. It was the
biannual competition's first stop in the USA, and
over 100 international contestants, coming from Germany,
Sweden, England, Italy, Norway, and as far as Hong
Kong, flooded into Nevada's capital.
The general tone was festive - the
beer was flowing all day, as were the cheering calls
to "tränk aus!" There were
a few opportunistic bastards came that didn't know
what a noble event they were disparaging with their
insolent posturing - the unfortunate stunt by the
Game Show Network (bitchmade mutherfuckers) deserves
no mention in this column - and they were lucky for
the security staff in the hall. Pull that fake beard
shit on stage anywhere else and see what happens.
Fools get fucking shot for that bullshit. But of course
the Game Show Network probably never heard of what
happened to Cole Schnap in the events surrounding
the 1995 Pforzheim scandal. Why? Because they didn't
take the time to learn the history of the event. Because
they are bitchmade mutherfuckers. (and so are those
frat boys with the plastic cup pyramid)
The amount of work that contestants
put into their facial hair is truly inspiring. One
can't compete at this level by stocking up on beard
wax the week before the event - these men have made
a serious commitment, and their year round work has
paid off in aces. As with anything else, they get
as much as they put into their beards. The championships
are a time to share in the glory of their dedication.
I met a hundred heroes that day.
The contestants displayed a definite sense of purpose.
This was, after all, the world championships, and
one doesn't train year round and fly for fifteen hours
to lose. Gary Johnson, of the Bremerton Whisker Club
of Washington, on the image he projects to his competition:
"It's the vibe you put out... you're saying,
'Hey buddy, you and me are competing, we're gonna
get down and dirty, we're gonna get into it.'"
Though costume and crowd reaction were definite factors
in the judging, Gary James Chilton of Sioux City Iowa
believes that the beard should be the only criterion.
Chilton's beard measures 41.5 inches, enough to win
six Iowa statewide competitions. (His less mature
19 inch entry in 1994 took Iowa to a "new level")
However, in Carson City he did not expect to win the
full beard natural category that he was competing
in. "No... I mean I hope to. I hope to God that
I at least place in the top three. [My beard is] natural,
no junk in it... It's supposed to just be about the
beard, but they're judging on the costumes."
Marco Sullivan of Truckee, California was one of
the judges. He said he judged the contestants according
to "what we feel," admitting that costume,
personality, and crowd pressure are all factors. Another
judge on the panel, Christina O'Neil, Carson City's
own Miss Nevada 2003, said she valued creativity,
saying the freestyle competition was "very exciting."
By eight pm, the judging was halfway over, but more
than half the crowd was fully drunk. As soon as the
final awards were presented at ten pm, the drinking
songs erupted (mostly German) and the conga lines
started. Gary Johnson describes the comradery as "the
best he could ask for, especially at this age."
Towards the end of the night, a fellow with an magnificent
Garibaldi style beard approached us. "I heard
what you said earlier about being among the gods,
and I really took it to heart. But really, the fact
is, if you just let that beard you have now grow,
within a couple years you could be up here with us."
I don't think anyone has ever said anything so nice
to me.
-dj enso |
In the pink: Gerhard Knapp, Pforzheim,
Germany
Gary Johnson (left) of Bremerton Whisker
Club, WA
Gary James Chilton, Sioux City Iowa
Miss Nevada 2003
dj enso bloods up the party
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